I've had my share of traumatizing experiences at the doctor, my worst being when I had the common cold in Korea 10 plus years ago and they decided Tylenol and rest would not suffice. No, I needed 30 unlabeled pills to take over the course of two days which led to a mild overdose and then had to go to another doctor where I was given a shot in my bottom along with an IV that he felt needed to be in my arm for 3 hours so I had to take the bag home with me which led my arm to grow to an abnormal size and gave me constipation for almost a week...until now. For purposes I will not mention, I have to get a very thorough medical examination along with a few vaccinations. Because health care in America sucks, well not as bad as some other places regardless of what people say, I could only choose a limited amount of doctors to go to that would fulfill my needs, 2 to be exact, one of which I wouldn't go to anyway because they're Korean and to be honest, I don't trust the confidentiality of Korean doctors. Our community's too small. And they talk. So I had to go to the other one. The biggest mistake of my life minus taking the keys to Shodie's Miata or downing the 80 proof soju from Andong. Monday, I went to my 2pm appointment at 1:30. Usually they're ready earlier and I wanted to leave as early as possible. I passed out, woke up at 3pm. At first I thought I missed it, but then I asked the girl sitting next to me what was taking so long and she said you usually have to wait a little. I'd been there for an hour and a half, I should've been out the door an hour ago. I started getting angry, especially since the receptionist told me the entire thing would take 45 minutes when I called and made the appointment. The doctor was finally ready to see me at 3:30. 1.5 hours of sleeping and 30 minutes of watching "As the World Turns," possibly the worst show ever. It is a little funny though but I'd prefer giving myself shots in between my toes. I get in and he leaves me in the room for 20 minutes by myself. I'm very confused. I look around the room, had I known I'd be abandoned for so long I might've brought some reading material. There is a set of three pictures. The first is of a lion attacking a wildebeast. The next is the lion eating the wildebeast. And the third is just the carcas of the wildebeast. ... Why? I have no clue. Next to the educational pictures is his foreigner's certificate by the American Medical Association. It's dated 1968. Really confused. Seriously. My doctor finally decides to show up and asks where I'm from. Dissatisfied with my "Houston" answer, he asks where "my name" is from.. "Hong Kong?" I tell him Korea, and he starts talking about Hyundais because of course that would interest me. He finds out me and his son went to the same college and says his son was a Silver Spur. I don't know what that is so he replies with "Of course you wouldn't know. All you Asians and Indians do is study all the time. You have time for nothing else." I'm not sure if he's responding to the offended look on my face but he tries to turn it into a positive thing by saying we should all be that hardworking and Americans are lazy. Presidents suck and he should be king. At one point he referred to himself in the third person as king, but by then I hardly noticed because he would say something like that. So we got off to a good start. He leaves me alone with his assistant. I'm not sure what she does exactly but she says she's not a nurse or a physician assistant. But she's running around with my needles and no gloves. How promising this is turning out to be. And she lies! I think she's spent too many hours in scrubs and has possibly convinced herself that she's authorized to do the things she did. First she took my blood. To not make me nervous she said she was taking my blood pressure and then jabbed the needle in my arm. It took a while. Afterward she so kindly let me know she took extra tubes just in case she messed up. How thoughtful. Skanky whore. She then takes my TB test which hurt, bled, then bruised. Of all the TB tests I've ever had, never has it hurt, bled, OR bruised. What is homegirl doing?? Then, she wants to give me a HepB shot. I ask her what it is and she tells me and I tell her I'm already immune. (She should know since I showed her my records 5 minutes prior to this.) So she says, Okay, well let me do your HepA. On my forms it does not say anywhere that I need the HepA. She doesn't believe me even though I show her the forms so she consults the doctor. Yes, he's still not in the room so she runs around looking for him and quotes him, "I'm from Johannesburg, she neeeeeeeds the HepA." I get the HepA which also hurt like a mother. I was supposed to get a PAP but I was still on the mensies so they told me to come back today. I asked if I'd have to wait another 2 hours (the entire thing took 3 hours - 20 minutes of which I saw the doctor) she said no. DAY 2 I return today and they make me wait. I explain to the receptionist that I was specifically told I wouldn't have to wait but I suppose she was feeling like a big fat cunt today. Whatever the reason was, I was subjected to another 30 minutes of "As The World Turns" today. I couldn't take it so I left temporarily and called people. I was loosing my mind. I finally went back in, and it turns out, they only made me wait an hour today. Lucky me. Whatever did I do to deserve this VIP treatment? They tell me to put on my gown for the PAP and leave me alone for half an hour to change into it. No one needs 30 minutes to rip off their clothes and tie a paper towel around their body. No one. Not even handicapped people or infants. I was already feeling antsy about this racist 80 year old examining my lady parts. He was torturing me. He returns and starts singing while doing his thing and then concludes with "You look like an Asian doll. You know those ones you put on the end of a pencil?" No, I do not. "You know, those little Asian dolls they stick on the erasers." Sorry, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about you dirty old man. He then disappears, again. I'm left with unauthorized scrubs-tripping lady and her needles. Normally, you only need a TD booster every 10 years and a Polio booster once after the age of 12. My forms specifically state I need a TD within the last 5 years and the Polio after age 18. The lady refuses to give me either vaccination since I'm already covered but I keep pointing to the sheets. Does she not see me? Is she deaf? Finally she drags the doctor in and he says the same thing, I'm good to go. I have to talk them into giving me my shots. Then I have to talk them into giving me my uncorrected vision examination since they insisted I didn't need it because I have corrected vision. Finally, I asked them to fill out the paperwork for my TB results. They were negative but the forms say "DO NOT WRITE NEGATIVE." There is only a space for the size in milimeters. They keep telling me how it's negative and you only write a size if it's positive. Finally we compromise for 0mm. I really don't see the difficulty in that but who knows when you're working with Nelson Mendela's not so bff and crazy assistant-nurse-unknown. To top off my memorable experience, as I was driving home I noticed my Polio shot was stinging so I looked at it. There was blood on my arm so I thought maybe it dripped. Wrong. I lifted up the bandaid, which was literally 2 inches above the blood and there was nothing underneath. She stuck the bandaid in the wrong place. Idiot. Now on to my rabies shots. | 
